What Matters Now
Hello again. I hope shelter in place has been an experience of surprises, awakenings, laughter, tears, discoveries and a time of self-knowing and acceptance. I took time to rest, reflect, ride my bike, brush and ride my horses, read and learn about virtual Zoom classes. I even brought the internet to the last house left in Great Falls – my home. Through all of this I felt a surge of emotions of happiness, sadness, fear, anger, impatience, anxiety and joy.
I took time to call friends that I haven’t talked to in a long time and I connected to close family in a way that was felt deeply. I was so taken by the sound of their voices, listening to them as they told their story of how shelter in place has been for them. By listening and being heard there was a closeness felt in our voices and I didn’t feel so alone.
I walked the neighborhood to see things I never noticed before. My curiosity took me from the river to the railroad yard. I observed a Canadian goose who had laid her eggs in the osprey nest – yes that would be at the top of a telephone pole. I looked for her mate and he was on the Missouri close to the shore. They too were social distancing but still together.
At the trainyard there was a track that curved like a quarter moon. As a child I lived by the tracks always competing with myself and my siblings to see how many steps I could take before I fell off. I was curious. “Could I still do this?” So, I took fifteen steps on the four-inch rail and fell off. Automatically I felt self judgement. “I’m not a child, I won’t be able to do it.” I am afraid of disappointment and the measuring of who I am if I fail. I took a deep breath and went for the sigh and said to myself, “I am here, this is now and just enjoy trying.” Fifteen steps increased to twenty-five and then to forty before I would fall. I relaxed my body and let the feel of the four-inch rail hold me. I eventually made it to 105 steps, and when I stepped off the smile and joy came! I felt the child within me came out to play. I just experienced being happy, being me, opening up to who I am. I let go of who I thought I was for a moment and awareness flooded in. I came away from being overwhelmed with the worry for the future that has been consuming my thoughts and automatically my whole being sighed.
The noise of life can pull us in every direction, but we can choose practicing awareness in our daily lives. Our suffering lessons when we are in the practice. We must remember our happiness comes from being who we are right now and it can live inside us every moment. That should be enough.
Let this awareness be our guide to seeing our blessings and bring the joy of knowing ourselves and each other. What a beautiful feeling it will be to come out of shelter in place to embrace each other in our new beginning.
Love to you all,